CRITICAL CONNECTIONS: First Relationships and the Developing Child

 

[AdoptionToday, Volume 11 Number 1 august/september 2008]

 

 

Understanding the human brain’s capacity for growth and development during the early years of life is the backbone of the field of early intervention.  Today, this knowledge is well integrated in families and communities. Most parents recognize that the opportunity and environment they create is integral to the development of their child. We are also more aware of the impacts of negative experience such as abuse and neglect on the developing child.

 

While the research community has been busy expanding our understanding of brain development, new learning has focused on determining the optimal conditions for human development and learning.  More and more evidence supports that the child’s experience within early care giving relationships significantly influences both short and long term functioning. As such, the parent-child relationship is the vehicle through which the child’s framework for understanding interpersonal relationships evolves. Excitingly, the findings suggest that the best conditions to enhance learning and child functioning, even after abuse or neglect, is within positive caregiver interactions. Healthy social-emotional functioning is known to support and enhance all other areas of growth and development. [i] Therefore, focusing on parent-child relationships to encourage emotional health will result in growth in all other aspects of development.

 

These teachings are important to all families today, but I would suggest, even more critical for families uniting through adoption. Understanding significant influences in child development, particularly in the less discussed area of social-emotional development, can assist parents with anticipating potential needs and developing a relationship focused parenting framework.   In addition, it can potentially prevent secondary difficulties by supporting the child’s readiness for new experiences.

 

 

Setting Expectations

 

When parents unite with their children through adoption, it is common for parents to set their expectations of the child according to the child’s chronological age. Societal expectations often reinforce this approach and places value on child independence (particularly in North America) without necessarily taking into account children who may have missed critical early experiences with a trusted caregiver. The information presented in this article intends to offer parents another approach. That is, to focus first on developing parenting practices guided by typical developmental sequence rather than chronological age.  To do this, parents, may need to create opportunities for interdependence with their child instead of encouraging complete independence initially.

 

 

Parent-Child Relationship

 

When parents and child unite at birth or early infancy, children spend a period of about one year in interactions that are dependent in nature with their caregiver.  Critical foundational skills evolve within the context of dependency of the child on the caregiver.[ii]  Through repeated experiences of having his or her needs met adequately (particularly when the baby elicits the caregiver’s attention), the child will develop what is referred to as “attachment’ to the primary caregiver. More and more families are uniting through adoption once children are past infancy. When parents unite with their children later, it is important that opportunities for interdependency are woven into daily life in order to reinforce these early social tasks.

 

According to Bruce Perry (2006), attachment is the first core skill in human development[iii] and relates to our capacity to form healthy relationships[iv].  In its most basic form, attachment refers to the way we perceive our world.  This will influence greatly how we are able to interact within it.  For instance, if the infant signals the parent for comfort and the parent interprets the child’s cue appropriately (parent attunement) and responds sensitively, the child is more likely to develop beliefs that the world is a safe place where he/she can rely on others and ask for help.  On the other hand, if that same child experienced neglect or abuse, he or she would be more likely to develop a belief system that the world is not a safe or predictable place.  Instead, this child may view the world as scary or unpredictable. As such, asking for help would be very risky and ‘doing for self’ would be more adaptable.  In this case, he or she may also be more likely to give cues demanding more independence or resist closeness.

By focusing on the parent-child relationship first, parents can create an environment aimed at helping to reshape these beliefs. Parents uniting with children who have had had negative experiences (abuse/neglect/deprivation) may benefit from support and guidance to build strong relationships and to create environments that enable the child to heal and resolve hurts.  A healthy parent-child relationship is the optimal environment for healing.[v]  

 

Building Trust and Security

Creating safety for the child is an important need for children especially at the time of union with their caregiver.  For the young child, safety means predictability and consistency.  All children benefit from structure and routine but this need is even more critical for children who may have had less than adequate early experiences.  Helping to minimize the child’s experience of change and building predictability may be useful to reduce loss and grief in the child.  Helping the young child to develop and demonstrate trust and a preference for their parent over other adults is an important early focus.

 

Developmental Sequence

Early tasks that develop within the parent-child relationship in the first years serve as the basis of child development. Children typically develop in a predictable pattern with foundational skills serving as the prerequisite for later skill development. In developmental areas such as gross motor development, this predictable pattern is well known. [vi]  By understanding early tasks in social-emotional development (attachment, self-regulation, stranger awareness, object permanence, separation anxiety, social referencing/joint attention, imitation, pretend play, communication & later peer interactions) parents can reinforce these early building blocks of living. In doing so, they will enhance the child’s functioning and relationships with others throughout life.

Loss & Grief

When parents and children unite through adoption, the influence of loss and grief also needs to be considered.[vii] For many young children the time they enter their forever family also represents a time of saying goodbye to all that is familiar.  Loss is common in adoption. Recognizing loss and grief behavior in young children enables parents to respond sensitively to these needs.[viii] When possible, developing a transition plan that minimizes the child’s experience of change and loss while considering his or her developmental and relationship needs, can ease the child’s adjustment and support growing parent-child relationship. [ix]

 

Building Social Competency

 

Parents play a significant role in teaching social expectations and norms by shaping early peer interactions. For the majority of children, peer interactions emerge after they have developed a relationship with their caregiver and have mastered many of the foundational skills outlined. It is as if, following a wealth of nurturing experiences and experiences of dependency and inter-dependency, the parent says, “Okay, you're able to try these things out on your own now”.  When children have experienced multiple caregivers, traumas, loss & grief, neglect, or institutional care before meeting their parent, readiness for childcare should consider the child’s emotional readiness and relationship needs.

 

 

Conclusion

 

Independence in early childhood evolves following a matrix of dependent and interdependent interactions between parent and child. [x]  It is through these social interactions that human learning flourishes. [xi] Parents uniting with their children through adoption past infancy may benefit from recreating opportunities for parent-child dependency and interdependency.  Using a relationship focused parenting approach guided by typical development knowledge, parents can ensure the child’s functioning is well established within this critical relationship before encouraging and building pathways for the child’s immersion into the larger family and community.

                                                                                                                

Many children entering families through adoption have had less than ideal experiences prior to their forever family’s union.  Many have experienced abuse, neglect, multiple caregivers, or institutional life.   By focusing on the social-emotional needs first, parents can reshape their child’s relationship beliefs while enhancing their child’s readiness and availability for learning